Back then

The time when I was so obsessed or infatuated by her seems so long ago.  The time when she was the epitome of beauty, the good in my good morning, and the one who completes my day is now a distant memory. I still can’t remember or understand how and when did that happen. The last thing I remembered was that I was so attached to my feelings for her that I even promised and vowed to myself to remember her as long as I’m living. Solitatiurs ert eternum. Now I can’t even rationalize to myself why and how did I fall in that long for her.She is one heck of a beautiful girl and she is very lovable that is why. I remember the days that I can never finish a day without telling to myself how lovely she was but how you helped me forget her. I don’t know, actually I know how that happened. You happened. You happened to be my classmate, my blockmate, my constant companion, and apparently became my first love. You of all people. Why? Not that I don’t want it. Its just that I can’t because you are you. The first time we met, were just schoolmates, just ordinary friend until I slowly learned how to love you.  From that moment on, our small talks became one of my favorite routine. The small alks that makes me happy, the small debates that makes me want to know you more, and the jealousy that I fell every time you talk with  him. Yeah, I actually envy him. I am jealous.. I know I don’t have the right to, but that is why I keep it to myself and not tell you. I know I don’t  have the right to tell you but I have the right to feel it. Now I can surely say that I have found my first love. Thanks for clearing that misconception of my life.

Bakasyon

Dumating na naman itong panahon,

Kung kailan tayo ay kailangang magbakasyon,

Naalala ko dating nananabik ako doon,

Ngunit bakit ba nag-iba ang dati sa ngayon?

Sa mga panahon na ito ay di na ito ganun kasaya,

Siguro sapagkat ikaw ay lagi kong naaalala,

Ang iyong mapupulang labi at nangungusap na mga mata,

Siguro marahil mahal na nga kita.

Walang araw na di ko inisip na ika’y kamustahin,

Di ko nga lang matuloy dahil baka isipin mong kulang ako sa pansin,

O dahil baka kaya lalo ka lang mainis sa ‘kin,

Natatakot akong baka magalit at di mo pa ako kausapin.

Iniisip ko na kahit konti lang ay naiisip mo rin ako,

Pero alam kong malabo yun, sigurado,

Dahil wala akong karapatan na mamalagi kahit saglit diyan sa isipan mo,

Ako na isang walang kwentang tao.

Wala naman akong magagawa kaya ako na lang ay tatahimik,

Idadaan na lang sa tulang ito ang puso kong gustong umimik,

Hiling ko naway ang panahon na ito’y matapos na parang isang lintik,

At sa susunod na taon ay magbabalik.

Sa tulang ito nais kong iparating sayo,

Eprot man ang isang taong tulad ko,

Diskarte ko man mas matagal pa sa isang suso,

At least may poem akong para sayong taos sa puso.

Nyahahah joke lang pala,

Nais ko lang naman magpatawa,

Bago matapos ang tula kong makata,

Ipapaalam ko sayong mahal kita.

Colder

We were not always like this. We were not always silent and cold towards each other. We weren't always this awkward. On the contrary, we were comfortable in each other’s company. We shared jokes, laughter, adventures, memories, cries, and secrets, almost everyday. We were friends. My only mistake was falling for her. I learned how to love her smile, her eyes, her presence, her all. I loved her. I loved her but then we started to fall apart. We started to drift apart. Our small talks, that meant more to me than she could ever know, became smaller and smaller until it vanished. Our times together became insignificant to her, a waste of time even. Her smiles turned to silent treatments and her laughter turned into the space between us. Silence swallowed our conversations. Our memories turned from sweet and innocent into hard and dreadful. I should have not fallen for you. I would rather go back to that time when we shared these wonderful things. I miss those moments. I miss our time together. I miss us, if there was even an us. But no matter what, you will always be here. You will always be part of my life. You will always be my first love.